CRY-IT-OUT
The "cry it out" (CIO) method, also known as extinction sleep training, is a sleep training approach where you allow your baby to cry for predetermined (or increasing) periods of time without immediately intervening, so they learn to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own.
How It Works
You place your baby in their crib awake but drowsy after a bedtime routine.
You do not return to comfort them if they cry — unless there’s a reason (like illness or danger).
The baby learns, over time, to fall asleep without external help (like rocking or feeding).
Variations
Full extinction: No checks at all after putting the baby down.
Graduated extinction: You check in at increasing time intervals (e.g., after 3, 5, 10 minutes), but keep the visits brief and non-stimulating
Pros
Often works quickly (many see improvement in a few nights).
Helps babies learn self-soothing skills.
Cons
Can be emotionally difficult for parents (and stressful for some babies).
Critics argue it may impact attachment if done too early or inconsistently.
Not recommended for babies younger than 4–6 months, depending on development.
The most common misconception about sleep training is that it automatically equates to the old-school “Cry It Out” method and this couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Cry it out” (CIO) sleep training—also called “extinction”—is controversial because while it can work for some families, there are potential downsides, especially when done without context or support.
Here's why many experts such as myself and parents raise concerns:
1. Stress and Cortisol Levels
When babies are left to cry for extended periods, it can raise their cortisol (stress hormone) levels. Prolonged stress, especially without comfort, may affect brain development in very young babies, particularly if it happens regularly. Though no scientific studies have proven that more gentle, responsive approaches are at all damaging to the infant or family. In fact, the opposite has proven to be true. The key here is regularly.
2. Attachment and Trust
Some worry that CIO can interfere with secure attachment if the baby feels their needs aren’t being met. Infants learn trust through repeated comforting responses from caregivers. Ignoring cries might make the baby feel abandoned, especially before 6 months old.
3. Emotional Regulation
Soothing helps babies learn how to regulate emotions. If they’re left alone during distress, they miss opportunities to co-regulate with a caregiver, which is how emotional regulation develops.
4. It’s Not One-Size-Fits-All
Some babies cry more than others and have different temperaments. CIO might traumatize a highly sensitive child or be less effective. It can also be hard on the parents emotionally, especially if it clashes with their instincts.
5. Alternative Methods Exist!!
There are gentler sleep training options which involve more comforting and interaction, and often feel more balanced for parents.
That said, not all research finds long-term harm from CIO, especially when used briefly and at appropriate ages (usually after 6 months). The context, baby’s temperament, and caregiver responsiveness during the day all matter a lot.
Toddlers
The “cry-it-out” method is particularly hard on toddler families. With their newfound development and understanding of the world, comes strong emotions and tantrums. Here are some reasons why the CIO method may not be the best fit for toddlers for several important reasons — both emotional and developmental:
1. Stronger Emotions and Separation Anxiety
Toddlers (typically 1–3 years old) have a more developed sense of attachment and awareness of separation, which can make crying feel more intense and emotionally distressing — not just for the child, but also for the parent.
Around 18–24 months, many toddlers go through separation anxiety, making CIO more confusing or traumatic.
2. Emotional Development
Toddlers are still learning to regulate emotions. Ignoring their distress (as Cry-it-out) requires) can feel frightening or abandonment-like, especially if they're used to comfort and connection.
Toddlers also are more susceptible to night terrors, which do need parental intervention at times, particularly for safety, as the child isn’t aware of their surroundings and oftentimes does not remember the event upon waking.
It can undermine trust if a toddler feels their emotional needs are consistently unmet at bedtime.
3. Behavioral Confusion
Toddlers are naturally more assertive and test boundaries. Without consistent guidance and support, CIO can become a power struggle rather than a learning experience.
Some toddlers may cry longer and harder than infants, escalating stress and frustration for everyone involved. A combination of sleep rules, role play, loving boundaries, bedtime strategies, and positive reinforcement will achieve the best outcome.
4. Language and Memory Development
Unlike infants, toddlers can remember negative experiences and may associate bedtime with fear or isolation if CIO is too harsh or sudden.
Alternatives That Work Better for Toddlers:
Gentle sleep training methods like behavioral interventions, association fading, positive reinforcements, and gradual transitions.
Bedtime fading (shifting bedtime later until the child is more tired).
Strong, predictable bedtime routines and positive sleep associations.
Responding consistently and calmly to night wakings without overstimulation.
Monitoring screen time and not allowing it one hour before sleep.
Now, I don’t want to knock this approach too much. It can be the only solution for families who have limited time, resources, and energy. What is the MOST important and safest thing is that everyone is sleeping better– no matter what method you choose. A well-rested baby is a necessity for all parents, particularly working ones or ones with multiple children in the home. If you choose this approach, your little one will be just fine. In short, Cry-it-out isn’t inherently harmful if done properly, but it’s often not done intentionally or in a way that is developmentally ideal for all children, especially if you're trying to preserve emotional connection and reduce bedtime stress.
Don’t want to do the “cry it out” method? Want to keep cosleeping but just get longer stretches in? Awesome! Want a middle-ground approach where you can stay in the room with your little one? Perfect! It’s not baby sleep training. It’s pediatric sleep counseling. Think of Just Sleep Already as your virtual sleep village! We match families with the right sleep consultant and approach tailored to their baby’s specific needs. Here’s how we stand out over other sleep companies:
Other Sleep Consultants Really Just Do One Approach. We have pediatric nurses, mental health counselors and doulas who have specialized backgrounds in addition to being sleep coaches. We aim to get to the root cause of the sleep issues and the approach that works for your life and parenting style. We are not about a “one size fits all” mentality.
Most Pediatric Sleep Coaches can’t do it all. They are either just holistic and have no actual strategies to implement OR are too harsh and ignore the family’s schedule or needs. We meet YOU where you are in your family’s sleep journey.
No Long-Lasting Effects. Lots of other companies have no sleep log tracking for troubleshooting naps. Sure, you may get a few days of sleep but how are you supposed to get prolonged sleep if you just focus on three days versus adapting to their new sleep clock and future sleep needs? What about approaches that will grow WITH your little one?
Here’s a comparison chart of popular sleep training methods, including Cry It Out (CIO) and gentler approaches:
| Method | Parent Involvement | Speed | Best For | Challenges |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Cry It Out | None | Fast (3–7 nights) | Parents needing quick solutions (6mo+) | Emotionally tough; not ideal for toddlers or sensitive babies |
| Ferber (Graduated CIO) |
Low (timed check-ins) | Moderate (4–10 nights) | Babies who need reassurance with structure | Still involves crying; requires consistency |
| Chair Method | High → Low | Slower (1–2 weeks) | Parents who want to stay nearby | Requires patience and daily discipline |
| Pick-Up/Put-Down | High | Slower (2–3 weeks) | Younger babies; highly responsive parents | Time-consuming; may overstimulate |
| Bedtime Fading | Moderate | Slow–Moderate (1–3 weeks) | Toddlers or resistant sleepers | Needs consistent tracking |
| No-Cry / Gentle | Very High | Slow (weeks to months) | Families prioritizing emotional connection | Requires flexibility and patience |
Feeling overwhelmed?
We’ve been there. In the trenches. In love with your new baby, but too sleep-deprived to fully enjoy them. Flipping through books, going down Google rabbit holes— desperately trying to figure out how to get your little one to just sleep already. Don’t waste any more time Googling “Wake windows,” “How to get a baby to sleep,” or “Baby sleep training methods.” Just go with us…a team of moms, Pediatric Nurses, & Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultants ready to change your life for the better. Get a truly customized pediatric sleep experience with us at Just Sleep Already!
Here are some tips right off the bat that may help with your sleep approach and transition over to independent sleep that do NOT involve crying it out:
I’ve been there. It’s so frustrating!! You rock your little one to sleep, you know they’re passed out deeply, then once you transfer them? POOF! They’re WIDE awake and either pissed off or ready to party.
Here are some tips to get started in making the transition from contact sleep to crib sleep:
1. Warm your baby’s crib first
Before putting baby down, warm the crib with a heating pad or warm water bottle (just remove it before laying baby down). This makes the temperature shift less noticeable from your arms to the mattress. They also have “warmies” (warm stuffed animals) you can put there before you transfer (or keep if baby is 12+ months)!
2. Use a swaddle or sleep sack
Swaddling (for younger babies, pre-rolling!) or using a sleep sack helps them feel snug and secure — like they do in your arms. It can also reduce startle reflexes that wake them up.
3. Start with drowsy, not fully asleep (this is SO much easier said than done)!
Put baby down when they’re almost asleep. This teaches them to fall asleep in the crib, not just in your arms. It might take a few tries, but it builds independence over time. See our step-by-step strategies to effectively conquer this without leading to more tears and anxiety on accident.
4. Create a consistent bedtime routine
A calming routine — like bath, soft music, dim lights, gentle rocking, or a lullaby — helps cue that sleep is coming. Repetition builds a sense of safety and predictability. And a “sleepy time” phrase helps cue them, too! Step-by-step bedtime routines (ones that actually WORK) can be found HERE.
5. Offer your scent
Place a worn shirt of yours (tucked safely nearby, not loose in the crib) or use a crib sheet you’ve slept with for a night — your smell can be comforting even when you’re not holding them.
6. Stay nearby for a bit
After putting them in the crib, hang out for a few minutes — shushing, patting, or gently rubbing their belly. Your presence can help bridge the gap between your arms and solo sleep. This is a skill that takes time, patience, and our support!!
Important Note: This is not for ALL babies. Some do well with it and some do NOT. It takes time and patience (and experience, honestly) to learn what your baby responds to better or worse. Sometimes that’s hard to tell when you’re the mom, so reach out if you need help identifying what kind of ‘sleep baby’ you have, and effective strategies to make this transition as painless as possible. Start HERE to identify what sweet baby you’ve got on your hands!
I totally get that this is super hard! Trying to do all of this alone can lead to more tears, stress, and anxiety. We’ve got you! The missing ingredient for families 99% of the time? The strategies.
Whether you’re looking for a customized, gentle toddler approach or a more traditional baby sleep training method, we are Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultants from different backgrounds who do it all—effectively. We’ve helped hundreds of families achieve their goals towards more independent, safe sleep, while still maintaining a close bond and loving attachment to their little ones.
Invest $49 and just 45 minutes HERE to learn the processes and strategies that will save you hours of time, stress, and energy.
I KNOW this works and can’t wait for you ALL to experience a better night’s sleep!
Love & sleepy dust,
Jackie